I’ve realized lately that I am so focused on pleasing other people and proving to them that I am capable of certain things, when, I really shouldn’t care. It feels so much better when I focus on satisfying myself. I don’t need to prove anything to anyone. I don’t need to put myself down when I think I disappointed somebody else. If I am happy with the outcome and I truly believe I did the best I possibly can, then hell, that is all that matters. It is my life. I enjoy having cheerleaders, but I don’t need to put on a play for them. I need to be my biggest cheerleader.
I wish I wrote the way I thought
Obsessively
Incessantly
With maddening hunger
I’d write to the point of suffocation
I’d write myself into nervous breakdowns
Manuscripts spiralling out like tentacles into abysmal nothing
And I’d write about you
a lot more
than I should
— Benedict Smith / “I Wish I Wrote The Way I Thought”
